Something close to my heart.

Following on from a journal a dear friend of mine made a little while ago, that I would advise you to read: choco-doodle.deviantart.com/jo… I thought i would bring forth my own opinions on a similar subject that lies close to my heart, i.e Happiness. Not happiness with your life, far too many people live far too many different ways for me to be able to talk about that, but rather, seeing as this is Deviant Art – being happy with your art, and the direction it's going in.

I don't think I'm alone in saying that every time I look at my own art, I see more wrong with it than I do right. To some extent we all look at other people and wish we could be that talented/skilled, and then there's always those blue staring out of a rainy window moment where you sigh and wonder if you're doing the right thing. Art work will always impede on your life a little, I think. While most people work in offices all day, socialise and then go out at night for drinks to moan about their jobs, - we artists sit at our station of choice at 3AM, furiously labouring over our current would-be masterpiece and cursing our favourite tools for not giving us the effect we want. Cue the self doubt, and not really feeling like a normal person for it.

Only me there then? Fair dues.

The last eight years for me have been very up and down. I applied for university after a foundation course, dreaming big as one does. I had it in my head, after watching one-too many Disney 'making of' films on repeat, that being an animator would be a very spiffing thing indeed.  In fact I was adamant that t would be my new love and off I went, pursuing that, leaving behind 5 years of my previous love, - drawing comics. I did so almost to the point of obsession all through school. Only for myself, though I took great delight in sharing them with friends on the school bus home (Despite the fact they were horrendous.). If I wasn't drawing comics, I was buying them. My school work even came second to drawing to me. My grades were not the best, but I didn't care. It made me happy.

Then I went to Uni, abandoning my comics for a one year foundation course followed by three years of animation. Don't get me wrong, I loved it. The four years were good fun, I learned a lot. A hell of a lot and my art improved for it. I owe a lot to my university course, though the actual animation part rather overwhelmed me. I came to the realisation that while I was having fun, I wasn't as passionate about it as others were.  I was in awe of the perseverance of my classmates, and how they could never burn out like I so easily did when things went wrong. That led to huge self doubt. I always drifted towards storyboarding, and most people on my course would agree that it was where my skills lay. I left uni just in time for the recession, and subsequently found it difficult to find work. There's nothing more soul crushing than that.

I was lucky enough to find a good group of friends online (Who are now long time RL buddies) who encouraged my creativeness, and kept me drawing, creating stories with our characters and illustrating them out. I stumbled across a couple of freelance storyboarding gigs ( Not by applying for jobs directly, but by sending in my CV regardless ), and since then it has been my goal to be in a long term storyboarding position, something I'm still working on now. Still, when one's a bit disillusioned with one's art, it can be the worst thing in the world.  I lost the will to draw for a while, then I did something odd. Under the suggestion of trying to go a different direction, I started to draw pin ups. Hum, fun, I thought.  Churned out a few, and then I created this:



Thus began the snowball that would eventually become Crankrats.

I can honestly say that since I started Crankrats, I've been happy. My art leaves a lot to be desired, but that doesn't bother me like it used to. Now a crappy page inspires me to do better. A badly designed character won't appear until I've redesigned it to my own satisfaction, no matter how long it takes. Finally I understand the same drive my classmates had, and I'm happy for it. I'll never be rich off it, and the watchers I have who read it I value beyond anything. I love every one of you so much, really.  You guys have really inspired me to make a lot of changes in the past year, all for the better, and hopefully I'll make many more in the future.

What I really want to say is that for anyone who might have lost their passion, or haven't found it yet, don't despair, and dont rush it. Play around, see what's out there.  You will find it, and eventually something really, honestly does just "click", you'll be happy, frustrated and nuts all at the same time, and you'll be amazed at just how much effort you're willing to put in to make things work.

Even if you're a lazy sod like me